Girl, Interupted

Some days are better than others. Some just seem to blend together. I hate winter. My skin is dry, my hair hates me, The dog wants in and out every five minutes and it is cold outside. Why am I telling you this you may ask? I don't know. This is my blog thingy and I can?
We all have our ups and downs in every day life. Some things are worst than others. I should probably feel blessed that we have food in our pantry, a roof over our heads and heat. I know there are many that do without every day. My son and I are very lucky. I know this. But we all have our ups and downs. Take for instance; I wrote a few "hot checks". It was either that or watch my son starve and go without some of the basic necessity's(food, a winter coat, shoes, etc.). I knew they would probably bounce. I thought for sure my ex would do the right thing and pay child support. He let me down as usual. This doesn't surprise me. And still, he drives in his 2005 Ford Explorer, attends college and lives with his mom rent free and has a nice leather jacket (while I have been wearing the same one for 5 years). His sister owns a very nice double wide filled with Home Interiors as far as the eyes can see. She has not worked one day in her life and has been handed everything in her pitiful pathetic life, yet bitches how "hard" life has been to her and her two girls; While me and my son struggle, her kids want for nothing. Try explaining this to your soon to be eight year old son why his cousins have all the latest video game equipment, big screen T.V.(S) and other crap that they don't need; and you can't even afford him an overpriced "Pokemon battle frontier blaster poke ball". Sure they're only like $30.00 including shipping and handling. But what to do first? Pay the gas and electric bill, the phone bill, grocery's or what? Am I feeling sorry for myself? No, maybe, I don't even know. Maybe I feel the need to vent this out so I can function in a semi normal mode. I admit, my son has more stuff than most kids his age. Hell, he has more stuff than I did when I was his age! We have basic cable, a cel phone(which is also our home phone as it is cheaper and I'm a cheap bitch!), a dog who needs Ritalin, a cat who thinks my arms are her hammock while I type, clothes on our backs(of course I have not bought my self any "new clothes" other than socks in the past five years), a nice computer (that was gifted to me from a VERY DEAR SWEET FRIEND), 3 T.V.'s( one was free, one was $40.00 at a yard sale and one I have had for 6 years and needs to be connected to a V.C.R. w/ the red, yellow and white coaxial(?) cords in order to work, as a idiot maintenance man thought it would be an easier idea to move with the effing cable cord still connected that snapped when he moved it{fuck~tard!}, A DVD player (my sister left here on accident and has not requested back yet), and many more "things".

I don't expect a "pity party" here. I just ask myself, "What is it that makes some family's have to struggle more than others?" I busted my crack for 14 years working various nursing jobs and factory's and hell, even being a waitress part time so my son would never "have to do without". I lived in California for 2 years on and off while me and Ex separated on and off. I saw muslims or rag heads or whatever they call themselves receive thousands of dollars in food stamps, huge HUD approved houses and thousands of dollars in TANF while my grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins struggled just to keep their heads above water by working 12-16 hour days and nights just to put food on the table and keep a roof over their heads. They never received any assistance from the government or they were denied for "making too much". I have a few very dear and close friends barely able to survive in today's society.

I am reminded about a blog a good friend on 360 wrote one time, "People like me". I am still trying to locate it, but after sifting through 300 blog entries, I gave up(for now).
"......We have given our neighbors food who were out of work, we know which "Dollar Stores" have the better cleaning products, we smoke cheap cigs, we have loaned and borrowed money to/from friends to help pay utilities or buy groceries "til payday". We have been kicked while we're down, we have gotten up and brushed ourselves off and carried on..........."

I'm not sure how the rest goes, but it's something along that lines. It is my fav from one of my favorite and most respected fellow bloggers.

Sorry for boring you to death with this blog, But it's some "food for thought" so to speak.